worth it
by kristy87
Summary: It's Sara's farewell party...someone's showing up late...but is he really too late? GSR FINISHED...is there still a chance?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: It's Sara's farewell party...someone's showing up too late...but is he really too late?

Pairing: ...I'm a GSR shipper...so what else could I write ; )

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**worth it**

_In 24 hours I'm going to sleep in a new bed, in a new apartment, in a new home, in a new city, in a new life!_

She emptied her drink…everybody had been there, everybody except the only person she had wanted to be there. She wondered whether to order a new drink or to leave, giving up on all hopes she had have for this night. Saying goodbye to all her co-workers, most of them had become friends, some of them a family for her, hadn't been easy at all…maybe it was better like this, maybe it was better that he hadn't shown up here tonight. Maybe it would make it all easier…making it easier to enter the plane to Chicago, making it easier to never look back again. In her memory he wouldstay the man she had given up her life for, the man she had loved more than herself…the man who didn't say goodbye to her…at the lab he had told her that he'd show up! _Why did he have to lie? Why?_

She felt desperate, somehow. Then she suddenly felt a hand on her back. She turned around, looking into his eyes, for a second she didn't know whether she should be happy or sad. She swallowed hard, trying to not look into his eyes, she knew she'd get lost in them, but she couldn't help it. Her eyes were drawn to his, she couldn't look away, she couldn't free herself.

"Why are you here?", she tried to speak as if she wouldn't even care, but she knew that he knew better.

"This is your farewell party."

"The party ended two hours ago."

"Why are you still here then?"

She closed her eyes for a second. She couldn't tell him, this was something he didn't need to know. She was angry, who did he thing he was? Why did he think showing up here this late would be good for her? Or for him? That didn't make any sense! She took a deep breath, opening her eyes again.

"I don't like saying goodbye…that's why I showed up so late."

"Why did you show up at all then?", she asked angry. She left her seat,trowing twenty dollars on the counter, grabbing for her purse…intending to leave him furiously.

He grabbed her arm, making her stay, making her turn around to face him. Her eyes were glistering with tears.

She looked at him, trying to understand why he wanted to hurt her like this, why he didn't understand that it was too late to say goodbye, why it was too late to apologize.

He reached up for her cheek while she leaned back against the bar. She did not want him to touch her, but her body didn't react to what her brain told it.

He caressed her cheek with his thumb, his head coming closer to hers. "Because you're worth it.", he whispered, then closed the gap between their lips, kissing her softly.

She wanted to pull away, she wanted him to stop, he was digging a grave for her heart, she would never be able to move on if he'd go any further. But she couldn't escape, the feelings inside of her were telling her that this was what she had always wanted to happen. _What did I hope for when I waited here alone for two hours? Didn't I hope he'd show up and try to hold me back? That was all I wanted to happen!_

She let him deepen the kiss, twining her arms around his neck. His hands ran over her back, then he pressed her close against his body, as close as possible.

She lost herself in his kisses, melted away under his touch, she forgot about the world around her, it felt like time had stopped, it felt like this would never have to end.

After a couple of minutes he softly pulled away from her. Their eyes met and a weird feeling grew up in her when she noticed the tears in his eyes. She wished she could say something, do something…but she didn't know what.

"Stay."

She had seen this happening, she had feared it, she had prayed for it…_I already signed the contract, there is no way back!_ She swallowed hard. She didn't want to leave anymore…_how could I ever think that I could move on?_

She turned her face away from him, pulling away from him, breaking his embrace. She felt the tears running down her cheeks. She had tried to swallow them, but with all her power, she hadn't been able to control herself anymore. "I can't.", she whispered with a weak voice.

"Don't leave me Sara. Please.", he pleaded.

Her heart was beating fast and loud, she tried to stay calmed, but how should she? Again he asked her to give up her life for him. If she should stay, nothing would change…just like the last time. He had promised her a job…sure…only a job he had offered, but she had hoped for more, much more. Five years she had hoped for more, now when she had given up, he started it all over again. He had just realized that he'd loose her…before he hadn't thought about her feelings and he wouldn't do afterwards, this was about possession, not about her…She didn't know if this theory was true…but it made it easier to turn around and just leave.

When she had reached the parking lot she heard steps behind her. She knew it was him, she didn't know whether to run or to stop.

"Wait, Sara please wait!"

"Why?", she turned around, crying out loud. "Why do you want me right now, when I try to start a new life? When I try to move on? Why, tell me _why_ do you want to destroy me again?"

He stopped about six feet away from her. "Because I am an idiot."

"Yes you are.", she said sounding angry and desperate at the same time.

"Sara…I was blind, I…I thought you'd be there forever…when I realized that you wouldn't…Sara I know that I am too late. I'm sorry…I…"

"…stop it." She pleaded. "I can't hear this! I don't want to hear this! Just let me leave! Please…I…all I am trying is to start a life where I can be happy again one day."

"Let me make you happy."

"You…you…", she wiped away the tears from her cheeks, taking a deep breath. "You…"

He stepped closer to her, twining his arms around her waist. "I wont let you go Sara.", he whispered into her ear.

She was shaking, she didn't know if her heart would make it another time…she was so afraid that he would hurt her again…but his arms gently held her close to him, his breath caressed her skin, his touch felt like silk. His eyes were so warm, so promising…promising her peace, love, softness…

He caressed her cheek, softly dragging her face closer to his.

"I can't.", she whispered softly, but she didn't pull away, she couldn't. Her heart had taken control over all her rational senses.

"I wont hurt you, I promise. I'll make you happy Sara…Sara I love you. I will never hurt you again…I'll always be there for you…love you…Sara please, don't leave me."

"I can't trust you anymore.", she whispered, now pulling away. _Am I insane? How could I believe his words, even if it was onlyfor a few seconds? He is Grissom, he will hurt me,…I know it, he did before, he'll do it again! Don't believe him Sara! He's going to break your heart!_

He sighed. "You _can_ trust me Honey."

"Don't call me like this! Please." _He is going to destroy me…If he would really love me he would let me go, he would let me get happy, it's all about posession…all about posession. It's all about posession._ Hoping it would help to tell herself over and over again that he didn't really love her, she knew better. It would always hurt. He would always be the man she'd love…and she cursed her heart for it.

"How could I tell that you're telling the truth Grissom? How? How can I tell that you wont ignore me tomorrow…and wont forget me in a month? And…"

"…marry me."

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**THE END**

**don't know if this was a good thing to write...anyway, I _had_ to do it...just as like as I will probably _have_ to write a sequel :lol:**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI.

AN: Finally found the time to write the sequel...well, I actually decided to make this my new WIP, just finished **accumulation of the little things** and had the feeling that this story could be good WIP material : )

I hope you like chapter number 2 :)

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chapter 2

She could hear the patter of rain against the cab windows…she wouldn't open her eyes. She wouldn't be able to stand it. Seeing the lights of Vegas flying by, knowing that this would be the last time she would ever see them. She wanted to leave, wanted to start a new life, a life that didn't depend on him. In the last five years she had done everything she could to make him see her, to make him feel something for her…and now when she had _finally _decided that it was enough, that she needed to pull away from him, that she had to accept, that though he was the right one for her, she wasn't the right one for him….now he had to tell her that he felt something for her. He had to tell her that he wanted to make her happy, wanted to love her…wanted to marry her. In the last years the only thing he had done was hurting her, destroying her self confidence, making her feel as if her feelings were worthless…and telling her that he wanted her now, when she had decided to rule off…it hurt even more, it hurt more than anything else he had ever done before.

Tears were running down her cheeks, she was shaking…_how could I ever let him get so much power over my feelings, my heart…my life?_ She wiped away the tears with the back of her hand, she prayed that she'd soon reach the airport, that she could enter the plane as soon as possible…that she could enter it and leave…leave the love of her life behind.

The minutes of the drive seemed like hours. It seemed like an eternity, it felt just like these past five years…she didn't have a clue what she would find in Chicago, but it definitely was the end of this roller-coaster ride. Never again she would have to fear that in one minute he'd set all her hopes up with calling her 'Honey', with telling her that he was interested in beauty since he met her, with pretending to care for her and that he then would drop her like a hot potato, would see through her as if she was invisible, not existing…

She should have learned to never trust his words, she should have realized that always when he got her high, she'd fall down soon, deeper than she had been before…and when she could grab for a blade of grass, or could barely cling on to something that would save her from falling, he wouldn't lend her a hand…he would step on her fingers and would let her fall…deep, deeper…

But she never learned it. She would never learn it. Maybe moving to Chicago was just some cheap, stupid excuse. But what was she supposed to do? She had reached a point in her life where it was impossible for her to climb up these cliffs that he jostled her down, to drag herself up…maybe a couple of years ago she had still be strong enough to do so…but not now. Too many things had happened in too little time.

She had given up on this. On him…and maybe on a part of her.

She had closed this book of a life with him. She had stopped hoping, praying for it…and then he had offered her to make her happy…he had asked her to marry him…had touched her, kissed her…pleaded that she'd stay. And she had left. Had left him without saying anything else but 'farewell'. She had turned around, had entered her car, had left the parking lot…had driven to her hotel, had locked herself in her room, had cried into her pillow for hours. Had ignored her ringing cell phone…she had known that it had been him…she hadn't been able to hear his voice…she wouldn't be able to ever hear it again…she knew that if anything should ever remind her of him, she would enter the next plane, fly back to Vegas and make the biggest mistake of her life…running back to him like a little dog, following him like a shadow…and a shadow she would be...nothing more than something that was there, just there, no-one pays attention to it...but then miss it when it's gone forever.

Finally the cab reached the airport. She grabbed her bags, entered the airport building and the waiting area for her flight after she had passed the controls.

She sat down on one of the chairs, leaned back and closed her eyes for a couple of minutes. _Soon, soon I am free…then I can start again! It will all be good._

When she opened her eyes again she noticed that an old woman had taken seat next to her. The woman smiled brightly at her, Sara faked a friendly smile.

"Waiting for the flight to Chicago?", the woman asked.

Sara nodded. "Yeah."

"Are you going there for holidays?"

"No…I'm moving to Chicago. Got a new job there."

The woman nodded. "Leaving behind all friends is hard, is it?"

Sara nodded softly. She felt tears rising up in her eyes again. Leaving behind her friends was hard…leaving behind Grissom was torture. She could deny it as much as she wanted, it wouldn't help at all. Her heart, her soul…actually every cell of her body wanted to stay, wanted to be with him. But she had made a decision…she couldn't stay, she had a new job, she had signed all the contracts. Probably these contracts were really the only thing that held her back. Yes, Grissom had hurt her, had tortured her…but everybody deserves a new chance. _Oh my God Sara STOP thinking this! Stop thinking that he might really make you happy! There is no way back! You will have to leave! It's too late to change your mind about it!_

"Leaving behind a boyfriend, too?"

Sara looked up to her. Could this woman read thoughts? Probably it was just obvious…_I must look like a wreck…all depressive, torn…Why, why does he have this power over me? Why do I love him so much that he can do this with me?_

"I once left the man I loved behind me…I thought I would be able to move on, to start again. I couldn't. When I returned he was dead. Had been killed in a car accident."

"I'm sorry to hear that." _Great, this was what I needed!…no, I am not her! I know I can make it somehow! I have to! I need to be independent, I need to be able to live without him!_

"Whom are you leaving behind?"

"A friend…he is…a close friend."

"Just a close friend?"

She shook her head. "No.", she swallowed hard. "No…he's more…so much more, but…he used to play me like a yoyo, like…" _Am I insane? Telling a stranger how I feel?_

"What did he say when you told him you'd leave?"

"Not much."

"He didn't try to make you stay?"

"He asked me to marry him after my farewell party to which he didn't show up."

"And what did you say?"

"I said 'farewell', left and ignored his calls."

"Making him feel how he made you feel all the time."

_Yes. Damn it, Yes!_ She didn't know whether to feel good or bad about it. Yes, she wanted him to know how much he had hurt her, how it felt to be hurt, but she did not want _him _to be hurt.

She remained in silence for a while, staring out of the windows…the rain had become worse. She could hear thunder far away, the flags outside of the airport building were cue balls of the storm…

_« Flight 843 Las Vegas – Chicago, announcement for flight 843 Las Vegas – Chicago. Flight has been cancelled due to adverse weather. We ask for your understanding. Thank you. Vol 843 Las Vegas – Chicago, énoncé pour vol 843 Las Vegas – Chicago… » _

_Great! Why tonight? Why, of all flights, why this one? _

"Oh well…I kind of could see this happening.", the old woman said.

Sara turned to her.

"Try to see it as a sign girl." The woman stood up and left.

Sara didn't know what to think. Maybe this woman had been right…maybe this was a sign…

She only knew one thing, she'd need to find a hotel room for the night, would have to call her new boss, would have to get a new flight

…but there was another option.

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**TBC**

Well, I don't know if this chap was good...I hope number three gets better : )

If you want me to know what you think of this chap leave a review...

I will write chapter 3 after I returned from hospital, so it might take a week or two for the next update. Meanwhile I will try to find some inspiration :)


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Sorry that it took a whil efor updating...but I didn't have a lap top in hospital (I thought I would have one) ...so I couldn't finish the chapter there. enjoy reading.

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chapter 3

She didn't know what she should do after he opened the door, she didn't know why she had given in to her heart…didn't know why she had blown up all her pledges, she shouldn't be here,…but she _wanted _to be here.

She softly knocked on the door. Her clothes were already soaked up with the rain, but she didn't care. She was shaking, but she wasn't freezing, she felt as if she'd burn. It was weird, she was all torn inside…

Then the door opened. A baffled Grissom stared at her. She bite down on her bottom lip, she had never before felt so insecure. What if he'd send her away? That was what she secretly expected, that he would send her away…because now he could have her…and if he would follow his MO he would loose his interest in her now..._always expect the worst_...

They stared at each other, they didn't speak a word…remained in silence for minutes. The rain kept raining, bolts kept on flashing, thunder kept on fulminating…and they kept on staring.

It took him a long time until he realized that she was still standing outside in the rain. But he didn't ask her to come in.

She knew that one of them had to break this silence between them, and she knew that she was the one who had to say something. She had left him standing on the parking lot, had left him with some cold farewell after he had asked her to marry him…had left him standing there alone, after he had done what she had never expected him to do…he had told her what he felt for her.

She swallowed hard, took another deep breath and prepared herself to open up her mouth, to let the words come out, to tell him that she felt sorry, to tell him that…that she couldn't leave. That she couldn't leave because he was all she had, because not the job had been her life,…he had been her life, he had been all she ever wanted…and she still wanted him. Yes, his mistakes from the past had cut deep into her, had left deep scars….but maybe he could heal them…maybe he could heal all her wounds…even the ones of her past, the ones that never stopped bleeding, the ones that never stopped hurting…

Grissom did not longer stand inside his house, he stood directly in front of her, so close that she could feel his breath, his hot breath, on her ice cold skin. He had this look in his eyes…they were so soft, so warm, so full of love…but at the same time they were full of pain, full of fear to be hurt…and then Sara realized, that she wasn't the only one who was scared. Scared to get lost in a relationship, scared to get lost by giving away her heart…

She slowly reached up, her hand coming closer to his cheek. His eyes followed her hand while her eyes couldn't let go of his…she laid her hand on his cheek, softly caressing it with her thumb. His beard felt soft, as soft as it had felt last night…so soft, just like she had always imagined it to feel…and she remembered the softness of his lips…and she wanted to feel them again…she longed to feel them again, to taste him again…

Suddenly his hand followed hers, he took her soft hand into his and squeezed it softly. He looked into her eyes, so deep that it made her shiver…

And still none of them had said a word.

Her other hand slipped over his chest and rested where his heart was…she could feel it beating…it beat fast…and hard…just like hers. She swallowed hard, her eyes caught by the picture of her hand on his chest. "I didn't mean to…", she found her words back for a second, but she didn't know how to continue her sentence…she could say that she hadn't meant to hurt him…but it would be a lie, in that moment she had wanted nothing else but to hurt him and to free herself, she had wanted nothing else but to show him how it felt to…how it felt when a heart breaks.

"I think I…now I know how I made you feel all the time.", he said softly, the expression in his eyes changed to a deep, sad expression.

She didn't want him to be sad, she didn't want him to be hurt…so many thing ran through her mind right then, she had to tell him that she was sorry, that she wanted to make it right… "My flight was cancelled." _This was not what you wanted to say Sara!_ She cursed herself…_but at least I said something… _

"So you thought what… 'I can go to Grissom, see him again and rip out his heart…'"

"…No, Grissom No! I…I realized that I…that I can not leave Vegas…you…I can not leave _you_ behind." _I should have known that he would think this! I should have…I should have said yes when he asked me to marry him…I should have done so many things…but he should have done something too…it's not only my fault…damn the two of us really made a good number of stupid mistakes._

His lips came closer to hers, slowly, gentle, softly he touched her lips with his, his tongue slipped over her bottom lip, caressing it…then she opened her mouth, inviting his tongue in. A storm of passion ran through their bodies, she twined her arms around his neck and his arms were twined around her waist, pressing her as close against him as possible.

Then she softly pulled away from him, entering his house without waiting for any invitations anymore. She slowly took off her jacket, tossing it over a chair. He followed her in, followed her when she made her way through he hallway to his living room…her eyes never let go off him.

"You need to get out of these clothes…", he whispered softly, slowly coming closer to her, his arm slipping around her waist.

"…so do you.", she whispered into his ear, starting to unbutton his shirt.

"Sara…we…can't do this.", he suddenly pulled away.

"Why not?"

"We need to talk…I have to know that…Sara…can you even imagine how much courage it cost me to tell you what I feel for you?"

"I…can imagine…and…believe me I know how much it hurts to…", he voice became bitter. "…I know how much it hurts when your heart is ripped out of your chest, gets torn into pieces and…"

"…the greatest pain is the one that is created by the ones you love."

Sara didn't even want to ask whom he was quoting…and she knew what he meant… "Listen…I…I regret that I ran away…that I left you there…I…I was scared, scared that you would hurt me again. And I wanted you to…maybe I wanted you to feel as hurt as I always felt….it wasn't right to leave, it wasn't right to do this to you. All I wanted was…to save what was still left of my heart. I wanted to make you…feel what I had to feel all the times that you hurt me…I wanted you to go through the same hell that you always sent me through…I regret it. I really regret it...I am sorry…but I know that 'sorry' doesn't make this forgotten…the wounds heal…sometimes…but you can not forget it that fast…that's the problem. I can't forget it either…I didn't know if I could ever trust you again…all I know is that…without you, there is nothing I have left…you're…", she took a deep breath. It hadn't been easy to tell all this to him, especially because the expression in his eyes had changed while she was speaking…this expression was stabbing her heart…he looked so hurt, so lost, so desperate…she wanted to place her hand on his cheek, but he turned his face away.

She swallowed hard. She knew thatif she should loose him now, then it was her fault. Her own fault…this time she couldn't blame him for anything he had done…their roles had changed somehow…for a while it had been him who was chasing her…all the years it had been the other way round…and now…now she knew that he had wanted her to be with him…but did he still want her? After what she had done? He wasn't like her…she had never stopped running after him, no matter what he had done, no matter how many nights she had cried herself into sleep because of him…but he wasn't her…there had always been something that had kept him away from her, from opening up to her…from showing her what he felt…and then he had taken all his courage and strength together…and she had turned him down. And a dinner invitation wasn't the same as a proposal…

She felt tears rising up in her eyes…she was so desperate, she loved him more than words could say, he was the only man she had ever loved…and the only one she would ever love…and now she was going to loose him, to loose him because she had told herself that he would hurt her again…in fact, this time the greatest pain she had ever felt had been caused by herself…

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TBC

yes, I know that she didn't finish her sentence...but she will, in chapter 4...


	4. Chapter 4

AN: ...okay, here's chap 4 :)...I decided that this story will only have 5/6 chapters, so there are only either one or two following...I hope I can update somewhen next week :)

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chapter 4

She had tried to swallow the tears that were rising up in her, but she had reached a point where she was just too weak to do anything against it. She let them run down her cheeks, she just let go off all her emotions. How could she ever be so stupid? The only man she had ever really loved had offered her a life with him, and she had turned her back on him, had left him, had destroyed everything…she had broken this glass in her hand, the sherds cut deep wounds into her…and now she was supposed to stop the bleeding before she totally bled out. She felt everything drifting away, her hopes, her dreams, her feelings…her soul. It was as if she lost it all, lost it all in just a few moments, and there was only one person who could safe her.

She desperately glanced around the room, now shaking, her wet clothes sticking to her skin, her wet hair hanging into her face…

She stood in the middle of the room, while Grissom had taken seat on the sofa. She didn't know what to do, should she walk over to him? Would he want her to be close to him? Wouldn't he have offered her to take seat if he wanted her near him? He wasn't even looking at her, did he even care that she was still here? She could understand it if he didn't.

But she knew that there was still something that hadn't been said. Something that she hadn't said, and she needed to, she knew that…he needed to know, she needed him to know it.

She took all her courage together and walked over to him. She desperately hoped that he would not send her away, that he would not hustle her away, that he would not push her away from him…

She stopped in front of him, kneeling down. Her hands resting on his knees. He didn't move, didn't speak, didn't react.

She reached up for his cheek, letting her hand rest on it. She softly caressed him with her thumb, hoping that he would look at her, but he didn't.

His eyes were so empty, so cold, lifeless…it sent another river of tears down her cheeks.

If someone had told her a week ago that the man she had been running after like a dog for the last ten years would suddenly open up to her, would tell her what he felt for her, would want to be with her…would do everything she had always prayed for….and that her reaction to it would be running away, hurting him so much that he couldn't even look at her, she wouldn't have believed this person, she would have told this person to stop using drugs…she wouldn't have been able to even imagine something like this.

And now it _had_ happened. And now she was here, kneeling in front of him, her hand on his cheek, the other one on his knee, her eyes searching for his, her soul pleading for forgiveness, her heart praying for his love.

"Your hands are cold.", he said softly, his voice as cold as her body.

She swallowed hard. _I deserve to be sent away, send me away, tell me that I destroyed everything, that I deserve nothing better than being alone for the rest of my life…but never say that you don't love me anymore._

He stared at her, his eyes were still empty, dead, like glass…it broke her heart, or what was still left of it.

"Without you there is nothing I could live for.", she said softly, her voice was shaking. "Nothing.", she repeated. "There is nothing else that I want to live for…I love you. You are…what I need…the only one I need. I don't need a good job, I don't need _this _job. All I ever wanted and needed was you, _is_ you. And, I was too blind to see it. I couldn't believe that…that there would ever be a true chance for us, that it would ever be easy for us…I thought all I would feel would always be pain, I thought you could do nothing else but hurting me. I told myself that you were just telling me what you feel, were just asking me to stay because you wanted to possess me, because you…Gil I was so wrong, I hurt myself more than you ever could…I hurt myself more than anything ever did.", she swallowed some tears. "I love you.", she whispered with her last strength.

She felt as if everything around her was fading to black, as if everything was drifting away from her.

Suddenly his hands were on her shoulders, holding her. And then he dragged her up, dragged her next to him on the sofa. Her hands slipped over his body, she didn't know where they'd go, she didn't care about anything anymore, she felt so weak, incredible weak. She felt his arm dragging her close to him, pressing her against his chest, she felt his hand running through her wet hair, pressing her face into the warm space between his neck and his shoulder. His skin was so warm, his beard tickled on her skin, his breath caressed her…and she slowly breathed against him. She closed her eyes, feeling his heart beating against her, feeling his pulse running…his chest moved under her with every breath he took, his arms were twined around her, heavily resting on her hips, his head leaned against hers.

He was shaking, softly, not much…but he was. She could feel it…and was reminded of how cold she felt. She was freezing, her skin was already burning from the cold.

"I love you too.", he whispered into her ear. She felt her heart beating faster, she felt the butterflies in her stomach, she could feel heat rising up in her. But still there was this fear, this fear that he would want her to leave.

She had no place to go to, she had given it all away, had closed this book of her life here, he was all she had left, the only one who had ever really meant something to her in this previous book, the only one whom she really wanted in the sequel. "Please don't send me away.", she pleaded. "Please don't make me leave, don't send me away."

"I wont.", his hands softly slipped over her back. "I will not send you away Sara.", he tried to calm her down.

They remained in silence for a long time, but this time it didn't feel awkward, it wasn't uncomfortable…holding each other, being close to each other, it didn't feel uncomfortable anymore, for neither of them. It spent them both so much comfort and power.

When Grissom realized that Sara had fallen asleep he slowly stood up, took off her wet clothes and wrapped her into a blanket, then he carried her over to his bedroom, softly lying her down on the mattress.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, softly caressing her cheek. She opened her eyes for a second. "Where am I?", she whispered.

"The bedroom.", he said, standing up.

"And where are you going?"

"I am going to sleep on the sofa…", he said softly.

"Oh.", she sighed a little disappointed.

"You need your sleep. Tomorrow we can talk about everything else. Now sleep Honey, you need to sleep.", he told her, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Sleep well my Angel."

She didn't hear what he said anymore, she had already drifted away into a deep sleep.

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TBC


	5. Chapter 5

disclaimer: I own nothing :(

AN: dedicated to my dog, it's his birthday today:)

okay, this is the last chap...I hope you enjoyed this story:) Thanks a lot to everyone who reviewed!

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chapter 5

It took her a while until she realized where she was, until she realized that this was real and hadn't just been a dream. The satin sheets caressed her skin and she wondered since when Grissom owned this satin stuff…she could remember their conversation about satin sheets during a case and she couldn't help but smile…she had never forgotten what he had told her on that crimescene…that he had told her that he was interested into beauty since he had met her…and maybe she hadn't just interpreted it wrong! Like she had told herself only 24 hours ago…maybe she hadn't interpreted anything wrong!

She wrapped herself into one of the sheets, not knowing where her clothes were. She slowly left the bed and walked over to the bedroom door. Taking a deep breath before she opened it. He had told her that they'd talk today, that they'd talk this morning. She didn't know what they would talk about. He had told her that he still loved her, still loved her even though she had hurt him so much…

Sara didn't know if this feeling of regret would ever go away, would ever leave her…she hoped, she prayed that it would.

The floor in the living room was cold, she curled her toes, slowly walking over to the kitchen.

Grissom stood next to the coffee machine, smiling softly when he noticed her.

"Did you sleep well?"

She nodded. "When did I loose my clothes?"

Grissom grinned. "They were soaked up with rain."

She slowly came closer to him, he laid his hand on her arm. For a couple of seconds they remained in silence, looking into each others eyes for a moment. His hand slipped up and down her arm, her hand rested on his chest.

Then he reached up, softly caressing her cheek. "Are you freezing?", he asked a little worried.

"No.", she smiled brightly at him, feeling the butterflies in her stomach.

His face came closer to hers, his thumb slowly caressing her bottom lip. "My sheets suit you."

She laughed softly. Causing a big grin on Grissom's face. She looked up to him. "Why are you grinning?"

"I missed your smiles…I missed it to see you laughing. And I'm glad that…now you do laugh again."

"Do I…still have a reason to be sad?", she asked a little insecure.

He shook his head. "Never again honey." He closed the gap between them, his arms slipping around her waist.

After their lips loosened again she looked deep into his eyes. "I love you.", she whispered. "I love you so much Gil."

With a soft smile on his lips he dragged her closer again, kissing her passionately. His hands slipping over her body, caressing every part of her.

After a long time he pulled away from her, totally breathless. They stared at each other for a couple of moments, loving each other with their eyes.

"I love you more than word can say Sara Sidle.", he said when he found his voice back, brushing a strand of hair out of her face.

Her hands lay on both of his cheeks, holding his face close to hers. She caressed him with her thumbs, her fingers slowly burying themselves into his hair. "Do you still want to talk?"

He nodded. He turned his face away from her for a couple of seconds, she let him, but her hands never left his cheeks. Not until he was facing her again. "It's not that…I am not mad at you…not angry…it's…I just, I think there are things that we need to talk about."

"I understand it.", she pulled away from him, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"I need to know if you can trust me now Sara. You said you couldn't trust me…can you trust me now?"

Sara didn't know the answer. On the one hand she did trust him, on the other hand, the wounds in her hadn't healed yet. One part of her screamed YES, but there was still a little voice inside of her that whispered NO.

She sighed. She knew the answer that Grissom needed to hear, she knew that if she wouldn't say 'yes' then she would destroy it all again.

Too late she realized that the silence that had fallen between them had already been answer enough for him.

He had turned away, had turned to the counter on the other side of the kitchen. His hands lay on its edge, his weight resting on them.

"I…", she started but didn't really know how to continue. She walked over to him, placing her hand on his shoulder.

He didn't move. He didn't say anything. He continued staring on the cup of coffee in front of him.

"My heart trusts you blindly…", she started again.

This time he turned to her, it was as if he was looking through her though, as if she wasn't there…

She swallowed hard. "…I…it's just that mymind somehow…it's…you know if I could…"

"Are you following your heart or your mind?"

"I'm here…in your house and not alone in an apartment in Chicago. I am here without a job instead of being day shift supervisor in Chicago. Whenever it came to you, I followed my heart. I came to Vegas although my mind screamed 'no'…I stayed in Vegas when I wanted to leave for the first time…although my mind screamed 'no' …I am still here…didn't leave this time…once again…although my mind screamed 'NO'…Gil I love you and I always will…and nothing can ever change this fact. And…I know that my mind will one day completely trust you, just like my heart does, but …I don't care at all about what my mind is telling me."

He softly placed his hand on her cheek, their lips meeting once again. She closed her eyes, realizing that she was shaking. She had been so scared, that now, when they had been so close to their goal, she'd loose him again.

His arms slipped around her waist, pressing her close against him. Then their lips loosened from each other and he let his head rest against hers. Planting a soft kiss on her forehead.

She twined her arms around his neck, pressing herself even closer against his chest. She could feel his heart beating. Hard and fast.

And there they stood, in the middle of his kitchen. Arms twined around each other, holding each other so close, as if they never again wanted to let go off the other one…

"Make love to me.", Sara whispered into his ear.

He looked up, excitement in his eyes. "You…want me to…"

"Yes.", she whispered, her hands slipping over his shoulders, over his arms, down to his hands. Then she slowly walked backwards, dragging him behind her.

Before they had reached the bedroom he had caught up with her, his arms slipping around her waist. He kissed her neck while she was trying to find the bedroom without turnig her head to the back.

They missed the door and she hit the wall a little ruggedly, but she didn't care at all. Grissom looked up for a second to check if she was alright, she smiled brightly at him, then pushed him gently into the direction of the bedroom.

She placed her one hand on his cheek, dragging his lips to hers. She planted a couple of soft kisses on his mouth, then he lifted her up off her feet, and carried her over to the bed.

He softly laid her down on the mattress, his hands running over her shoulders. Then he brushed a strand of hair out of her face, while her hands were both on his cheeks now, slowly brushing into his hair. Her thumbs slowly slipped over his eyebrows. "I want to be all yours.", she whispered, just the sound of her voice already sent showers of sensations down his body.

He began to kiss her neck, his hands slowly uncovering her body from the sheets.

"You will be…forever.", he whispered into her ear.

She smiled softly, enjoying the moment, enjoying everything he did to her.

**LATER** at night she snuggled her back against his chest, his arm protectively twined around her waist. His breath tickled against the skin of her neck and she smiled to herself when he softly whispered her name in his sleep. She leaned her head back against his chest, her hand slipping over his arm, down to his hand. She took it into hers, caressing his fingers with her thumb. She wondered why he could still sleep, it was already afternoon…probably he hadn't been able to sleep all the time…probably all the thoughts and feelings had haunted him for the whole night…probably he had thought about it all, about everything that had happened in the last hours…

She didn't even want to think about how it would be if she'd be in Chicago right now…and then she remembered one of her thoughts from the night before.

"_In 24 hours I'm going to sleep in a new bed, in a new apartment, in a new home, in a new city, in a new life!"_

_I have been right about the bed, the apartment, the home and the life…and I am so glad that I was wrong about the city._

She breathed in Grissom's scent to remind her that this wasn't a dream…that he was indeed lying next to her, holding her in his arms.

And she would never forget what he had told her...had told her that she was worth it. And she knew he hadn't been talking about "saying goodbye", he had been talking about this, about being together, about opening up to someone, about risking to get hurt. For him, she was allworth it.

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THE END

:lol: yeah I know that was fluffy...


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